Topical Steroid Withdrawal, Eczema, And Dealing With Grief

When dealing with any chronic illness, especially something as life altering and profound as TSW (Topical Steroid Withdrawal), there are so many things to be left behind, introducing an additional layer of grief on our journey.

Grief Beyond Loss of People

Contrary to some notions, grief goes well beyond just the loss of those close to us. It encompasses the loss of dreams, aspirations, and even different versions of ourselves from the past.

Like many young girls, I used to dream of marriage, a thriving career, and a family. However, as life unfolded, illness unexpectedly changed everything. Profound events, both positive and negative, tend to disrupt our lives abruptly, becoming pivotal turning points.

Some of the most challenging and painful, as well as beautiful moments in my life unfolded in this way. A chronic health diagnosis is much like this, and we have to accept that life will never be quite the same again. It becomes something we may have to carry with us and live with us until our last breath.

The “New Normal” After Topical Steroid Withdrawal

A single event can reshape our entire existence. Suddenly, we’re not merely “normal”; we’re individuals who have something “wrong,” with us, especially something as visible as eczema and topical steroid withdrawal. It feels like much like wearing a sign that says, “I’m broken.”

This visible part of us, our skin, is one of the initial things people notice about us, and unfortunately, many judgments are formed from it. Even when that’s not the case, for us, it can and often does feel that way.

Grieving things others got to do

While other girls embraced lessons on makeup, I delved into the world of creams and lotions. Instead of selecting swimsuits and lingerie, my concern was always concealing my skin. I became a master of disguise, hiding aspects of myself that I deemed unworthy.

I had to grieve the “normal” aspects of development, the life I envisioned for myself in the future, dreams of completing nursing school, and having a stable career. Grieving the person I used to be and the one I thought I’d become became a crucial step. Ultimately, I learned to accept and embrace the person I evolved into through my journey with chronic illness.

No Going Back, Only Forward

Initially, I held onto this idea that one day I’d revert back to the person I was before the diagnosis of eczema and before going through TSW. It took time to grasp that resisting this transformation was futile and pointless. Change is inevitable in chronic illness, and in life as well. I had to acknowledge that life might have a different plan for me than the one I envisioned for myself, and that that’s okay too.

Now, I give myself space to grieve when necessary. Mourning the things left behind becomes a process to accept who I am now and the person I have yet to become. Embracing these experiences as transformative allows me to flow with life’s changes. The only constant in life IS change, and the more we embrace that, and allow ourselves to flow with the currents, the freer we become.

Find out more about Topical Steroid Withdrawal (TSW) on my resources page, and check out www.itsan.org